AmandaBB.com

Acceptance is easier said then done but I’ve finally accepted that there isn’t anything we can do to save our marriage…

Last night we had a long talk about it and I guess that I’m at least relieved that we’re parting as friends. I did tell him that besides my stuff that I’m also taking Chewie with me though.
I love that dog and we have a great bond since we’ve known each other since he was 3 days old.
Besides that I don’t really care about everything else and I’m today gonna see what all I can give away.

I’ve already discussed a lot with my parents and they’ll come pick me up.
My brother Raymond has been looking for a house and I’ll move in with him. He wasn’t really looking forward to living alone anyway and I’ve been out of my parents house for too long now to move in anyway and also don’t want to live alone so that solves both our problems. We get along great too.

Right now I’m just trying to take care of everything asap. It’s been dragging on to long as it is.
I’ve already printed out a bunch of lists which go over everything I’ve always taken care of which goes from the banklogin to how much the pets eat.

On a much lighter note : my dad asked me to make some backgrounds for him to use on their eBay sales and this is what I’ve made so far.

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Yesterday I had to go to a immigration office for my biometrics. My green card is going to expire in a month so that had to be redone. I had already applied for a change of status from resident to citizen so now I just need to wait for that. Hopefully I will get a new card soon so I can visit my friends and family for a month around Christmas and New Year.
Our former landlord was nice enough to drive me there since it’s a 2.5 hour ride and there is no way that I can drive that far with my messed up back and arms. He’s really talkative so the day flew by.

Today is my mums birthday so I had made her a 3D picture which I combined with Apophysis.

She and my dad have been playing tennis together for a while now so I figured that I’d put that in the picture. She’s also really into purple right now which is why I added so much purple.
The text means : “Happy Birthday! Love Amanda & Tony” in case you’re wondering.

For the last week I’ve been working on another 3D picture too which features 2 warriors. My 3D program keeps on crashing while I try to render it and I haven’t found the problem yet so that’s really annoying. I suspect that it has to many shaders so I’ll have to experiment with that.

Last Tuesday I had a teleconference with my psychiatrist who advised me to really see a pain doctor to see what my options are. We’re still waiting for the health insurance cards so I can’t do that yet. I’ll first visit my regular doctor anyway and discuss with her to see what’s best right considering my travel plans. I’ll definitely ask her about strong pain medication to make the flight more bearable. I’ve been refusing them so far but for long trips like that it’s not a bad idea to have some at hand.

This Tuesday we’ll be seeing the counselor again and I’m really looking forward to it since my husband has been really distant again the last few days…

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I’ve finally sought help to deal with my depression since it has gotten really bad. Between my back getting worse and the financial difficulties we’ve had it has also really influenced our marriage and it was getting to the point that I either had to get help or that my husband was getting ready to give up our marriage.

I’m now seeing a psychiatrist and am on a anti-depressant (citalopram) and a nerve-painpill. And together we’re seeing a marriage counselor.

1 of the homework assignments the counselor has given us is to play more games together so I’m now playing SWG again. I’ve transferred all my toons to Bria so if you see someone walking around there with the name Ch’iara, Kaiyana or Aingeala then it’s me.

It’s weird by the way. Ever since I’ve sought help with my depression, my interests seem to have changed. I used to be able to spent hours on various forums a day but right now I don’t even feel like doing that. Squidoo has lost it’s appeal too and you may have noticed that I’ve moved all my recipes to my website. I’m planning on moving most of my Squidoo pages, which will hopefully attract more people to my website but I’m mostly doing it so I don’t have to update them every month to keep a good ranking on them.

Raymond (my eldest younger brother) has bought me a iPod last Saturday and that has been keeping me busy lol. I love gadgets and a iPod is 1 I can really recommend. I’ve gotten all kinds of applications for it and some games. 1 of those is the online game “Vampires : Bloodlust” and I’m looking for clan members so feel free to add me if you play it too. My code is : 6204 4409 32

My parents and Ray left last Sunday so the house is really quiet again. My husband and I both enjoyed them being here but privacy wise it’s nice to have the house to ourselves again.

I haven’t finished any new 3D pictures yet since I’m still giving my wrists and hands a bit of a break. Which I especially need since I’m playing SWG again.

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